Episode 49

Last updated on May 17th, 2023 at 12:54 pm

As soon as Jude left for work, I called the driver to come in. I hastily packed our things in the bus with the help of the driver and soon we were leaving the compound. It felt like a dream. Sarah was out of town for her wedding anniversary although she was aware of what was happening. I had also posted a notice on my business page that we were taking a break so we could provide them with better services.

***

I was on the way to Ibadan, with three children. Almost six years ago, I packed hastily and returned home when my family threatened me to return, today I was moving away again but with more responsibility. Life could be so twisted, things could fall out of place and happen against your plans. I never saw myself like this at twenty-eight. I definitely never did. I was glad for the support system, which was rare. Maybe that’s one stroke of luck I had in my sad life.

I looked at my kids; 4 years old Dimeji; Daniel, almost three years and Dolapo who would soon be one. I have failed you, I brought you to earth with no plan. I looked to the side, through the window of the bus, life was going on, everyone oblivious to each other’s thoughts and burdens. I blinked my back the tears threatening to spill. The scariest part of all of this was my children. Alone, I could survive easily, but with three children, I didn’t know. But I was done. I was done being married to Jude, done waiting and hoping. 

I doubted I loved him at the beginning, I never did, I grew to love him when we got married. Surprisingly, in all the years of emotional, financial, sexual, and verbal abuse, I sustained my love for him. Right now, all I felt was anger. Why did he ever marry me if he knew he could not commit? Asking him to love me seemed a bit much, but he never even tried to be a good human, except for the times he had succeeded in one of his schemes.

I felt like I lived with the devil at some point. If I didn’t leave now, I might never leave again. I had read many stories from women in my shoes and women who went back. Months after they went back, it was rosy, but after a while, the abuse began—stronger than before they left. I had joined a support group online for women that suffered abuse and it was heart-wrenching to see just how common it was. Our mothers’ generation had even normalized it.

Speaking of mothers, I wish mine was a bit more supportive. I wish she was committed to me living a better life, especially after she had experienced something similar firsthand. But she certainly did not think there was more for me out there.

“Mummy, Daniel is biting me.” Dimeji tapped me.

“Daniel.” I scolded.

At least, nothing would change in this aspect, apart from the financial part when it came to the kids, Jude was a really absent father. I was adept at handling my children simultaneously with my personal life. In my support group, some women left their children with their ex and some allowed their children to go to visit their father. Usually, these men were good fathers but bad husbands, so it seemed reasonable. I could not bear to leave my kids with Jude.

***

“Babe, how are you?”

“Vic, I am just hanging there, I am holding it together for my kids.”

“I wish I could help you with them so that you can take some days off everything.”

“I understand. I will get some personal time once they resume on Monday. For now, I have to be there for them.”

“Allow yourself to grieve, Lape. What you are doing is so brave and I hope you will be fine with time.”

“I hope so too. Thanks, sweetie.”

“Has Jude called?”

“No, he should call anytime soon though. You know he doesn’t get home until about four hours after closing from work.” Vic sighed.

“Let me allow you babe. Get your personal time and prepare for the next coming days.”

“Ah, the real thing is coming o.” I started laughing. Vic did not laugh though.

“Well, I still think you should block their lines.” She said pensively.

“Have you forgotten they got new numbers and called Sarah? Sam had to come back to intervene physically. He whisked his wife away for a while so everything could die down.”

“Lape, sorry to say, but these people are really crazy.”

“I know. I think I indulged them over the years. The best way to thrive especially with people like this is to have healthy boundaries.”

“You are right about healthy boundaries, but now is not the time to blame yourself. You now know better.”

“I hope so. I really hope so. Thank you, Vic. You and mummy outdid yourselves.”

“Don’t bother babe, we channeled our inner interior decorators into the space.”

“Thank you.” I said, barely audible.

***

The past few days had been more intense than I could have ever prepared for. I assumed that I was familiar with my family and ex’s tactics, but they’d shown me that I couldn’t meet up. Jude called, begging at first and I made it clear to him that we were done.

“Don’t say that baby, we can never be done. Marriage is for life.” He had placated.

“Jude, we are done. I am only allowing this chance for us to talk because of our kids. How do you intend to see them?”

“Lape, I cannot do without you, I need you in my life, please.”

“Jude, please, come up with a plan regards seeing the kids. We will talk later.”

“Wait, wait. Are you even in Osogbo? Ple-” I ended the call.

The following days came with threats, mummy was calling and crying, daddy was threatening me, and Jude’s family was calling to insult me. If only they knew where I was, they would have come straight to my house.