Last updated on May 17th, 2023 at 12:51 pm
On my birthday, the same day as our anniversary, I served Jude our divorce papers. Mummy Abound was babysitting the kids while I took myself out and went to make my hair, just to look good. I allowed myself to have fun and gave myself the permission to be twenty-eight, to be young just as I felt inside and not “old” as everyone expected of me. I fixed my nails and laughed at myself because even though they were short, my hands would be a bit useless for some days.
I left the house so early, one would think I had a life-changing appointment, but maybe I did. Next week, I would be going to see my house in Ibadan, a self-contained apartment. I already signed up for a crochet class also, I always had a flare for it. I should be able to make something out of it because my business would definitely not sustain me in months to come.
After I told Sarah of my plans, she threw her hands around me and hugged me. She quickly caught a tear that was about to escape and I laughed.
“Why are you crying madam?” I had asked her.
“I am just happy for you.”
“Thank you.” I said. It turned out Sarah had always known not like she is dumb but she never said anything. We talked for a long time in her office and cried together.
“Lape, I am so happy for you. I am happy to have met someone like your brother, but if he wakes up tomorrow and starts doing less than I deserve, I will give him a stern warning. If he remains adamant, I will leave him.”
“Can you survive without that fine boy?” I replied, laughing.
“Well, crawling and crying, I would leave, if that’s what it takes.”
Sam called me the next day and I knew Sarah had told him. I was not mad about it. He asked if I was able to talk and that was the first time that I heard my brother talk freely with me for that long. He promised to help financially if I was able to truly leave and also said he won’t be disappointed if I was not strong enough to leave.
***
The days leading up to my birthday were really emotional, so it was intentional for me to relax and wind down on my birthday even as credit alerts kept rolling in. I was at the eatery and tearing up. I couldn’t believe I went through all of this madness. Jude’s call soon came in. I guessed he had received the papers. I debated picking or not, but I did. I could pack my things and leave, but going through the stress of getting those papers was meant to serve as a reminder not to play into his hands. Packing my things and leaving meant I could just return with a little pressure.
I liked to think I was ready for the pressure from all of them. I won’t be blocking anyone’s number this time around.
“Hello.”
“Lape, what’s this that I got at work?” He said, emphasizing the last word.
“What did you get?”
“Divorce papers.” He whispered, “Is this a mistake or something?”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Wait, what?” he started laughing. “You are divorcing me?”
“Yes.”
“Is this your new stubbornness? You are acting like a spoilt child, wasting your time and resources just to prove a point.”
“A point? That’s what you think it is?”
“See, madam, we will discuss this when I get home.” He ended the call. He really thinks I am out of my mind or just trying to be naughty.
***
It’d been a week since I served Jude the divorce papers. He got home that day after work and did not say anything. I also stopped cooking his meals and washing his clothes. Can’t believe I handwashed his clothes for years. He did not bother asking for his meals, and neither did he question me for stopping the chores in the house. He kept dropping our allowance as usual. He had not made any of his “visits” when everyone was asleep as well.
If he came inside though, I did not intend to fight him off. I would lay there until he was done. I intend preserving myself until I was able to leave. I went to Ibadan yesterday to check the house and came back the same day. I was really pleased with the house and could see myself living there with the kids already. It felt really daunting starting all over with three children but from what I had currently, I should be fine with them for about six months.
I called Samuel after checking the house yesterday and he paid the money immediately. Almost like he did not want me to change my mind. I had been trying to hold myself together, but I knew I was going to break down soon. I had to handle everything necessary before that stage set in. I also had an underlying sense of guilt for depriving my kids of a complete family, shame for not being able to get it right, fear for what was ahead, and pain for the years I had wasted.
***
As expected, the following days were intense. Jude started begging me every night after work, crying and making promises to be a better man. I guessed he eventually sensed my resolve. Mummy started calling too to beg and preach to me and soon her pastors started calling me. I was not surprised by all that they were doing and had a response for all of them actually, but they soon got Sarah involved.
I didn’t know who suggested going through Sarah, but they started calling, insulting, and threatening her. They accused her of encouraging me, that I started changing since she allowed me in her place of work. She was unmoved as usual, but it got so bad that I had to tell Samuel at some point. Even Jude would come home to cry after calling Sarah to curse her.
I knew it was only a matter of time before they changed tactics and I had to leave as soon as I could. His birthday was approaching so I gave myself that day to leave. Many nights I laid awake thinking of how to cope with three children and if I’d be able to survive. Something told me I might even go back to beg Jude. The closer I got to the day, the more fear crept into my heart.
I had been scouting for a school with a crèche so I could drop Dolapo at the crèche while her brothers were in school and I eventually found one. Vic and her mum were almost done furnishing the house so I started looking for a bus that would convey all my things at once to Ibadan as soon as Jude left for work. Vic suggested me changing my number, but that wouldn’t work long-term. They all knew my business online.
Jude had stopped posting bad reviews, for now, but I knew what he was capable of. I also knew he would fight dirty. I worried most about the custody of the children though. He had dropped the divorce papers on the bed since and I had kept them. When we left, he’d find them on the bed again. I knew though that he would never sign them and he would never fight me in court. All his fights would be mainly through our families.
