Last updated on May 16th, 2023 at 09:35 am
Sarah and Vic eventually assisted me with the business for two weeks. On the last day of the year, I decided I had taken enough time and went to the firm. I offered the same excuse I gave Sarah to Vic and like Sarah, she did not push. The firm was looking so bright and decorations were all over the place.
“Sarah, did you renovate within the short time I was not here?”
“I did. Welcome back dear, hopefully you are strong enough to hold on.” The words seemed like it was more of an encouragement than a reference to my pregnancy.
“Thank you. Everywhere looks more beautiful.”
“Right? We have not renovated in a while, we sold some of our old equipment, vans, bikes, chairs, and all of that and got new ones. Then painted the walls and offices.”
“The air even smells fresh and welcoming.”
“As we hoped. Thanks, Lape.”
***
As I drew closer to D-day, I expected sad news at one of my hospital appointments. This was not healthy, but I had had two pregnancies and the stories were similar. I reckoned this was my way of keeping a balance.
Last week was my birthday and fourth year of being married, I had never felt older than now. Well, I was actually older. But I saw other twenty-seven-year-olds looking and appearing so light and this explained the way I feel, in total contrast. Pictures lie, but cue Vic. Even Sarah who was older than I was. Their only worry was probably their business and career. I, on the other hand, had to worry for two children, myself, and even my husband. Speaking of which, I had to stop hiding from Jude at some point so I resumed cooking his meals in the morning and serving him his dinner as opposed to putting his dinner on the table before he returned and me going inside to avoid him.
I felt like a failure, people had awesome marriages and I just could not get that part of my life right—the one part of my life that I stalled other parts for. Right now, I tried to feel proud that I had my kids and business. The kids were mine and Jude’s in reality, but my business was solely mine. I allowed myself to daydream of what it would be like to be divorced, would Jude fight for the kids? Would he divorce me with the kids? I came back to the present, feeling a bit lighter which was unexpected considering that I didn’t have the money to raise my children alone. The four years lag in my CV was not going to help me either. Lape, you are on your own o. I shook my head at myself.
***
I just dropped the kids off at school and was now with Sarah. My business just clocked a year and I did a giveaway, it felt like a wise thing to do. The few times I had done something related to this made me know how much people liked freebies. I was happy to do it as long as the effect were almost immediate. It was also part of the early year rush for Sarah’s company.
Now I was sitting in her office sorting out the business accounting, the part I disliked, but I had no other choice. There was slow music in the background and Sarah was on a video call with Sam, laughing like a child. I looked at her and saw pure joy on her face, I felt a pang of envy. Why don’t they have kids? I would ask when she was done. It was nosy, but she was now my friend. She eventually finished the call and looked at me.
“Madam, why were you looking at me?”
“Looking at you kor, looking at you ni.” We both laughed. Then I asked, “Why don’t you guys have kids, anyway?” I expected her to retreat a little or something, but she just looked at me and started laughing.
“Why are you laughing na?”
“Nothing. I have been expecting you to ask that question for a long time now. You tried.”
“Oh well, I just thought I can afford to be this nosy right now.”
“I see. Well, Sam and I decided not to have kids…” She left it hanging there and I knew I was not stopping.
“Sarah, wait, explain very well na. Why are you giving me half gist?”
“Okay okay, madam amebo.” I rolled my eyes. “Sam and I decided we don’t want to have kids. Instead of lying to whoever asks that we have fertility issues, we decided not to answer to anyone at all. It’s our life and we are adults.”
“So, Sam does not want children too?”
“Sure, we knew this as soon as our friendship started. Your brother just wants love and finding a woman to meet him on that plane was a relief for him. Same for me too. Are we okay now?”
“Let me think about it first.”
It was not the first time I heard this, Vic was also in this school of thought, she was even worse. But I did not know it was just a decision normal people made so casually around me. It was weird to think of me in the kind of relationship that Sarah has.
“Why don’t you want kids?” Now it felt like I was trying to make myself sad. I loved my kids, but having them so young and seeing another alternative for me that people boldly took was making my head turn.
“We did not want the stress. Imagine we had kids now with your brother in another state, the bulk of raising them would be on me by now or on Samuel, but for us to be realistic, it would be on me. At the most, Sam would have had to turn the job down—a job that he really likes and pays well, something so rare now.”
“Wow.”
“Yes, madam.”
“Any regrets?”
“Na wa o. This impromptu interrogation. As of now, I have no regrets, I have godchildren and that’s fine. I hear I might regret it when I am old and feeble, but I would worry about that then if it actually happens.” My mouth was wide open. I asked for it and now I had heard it.
“That’s so courageous, Sarah. If Vic was not like this, I would say you guys are insane, but I have learnt from my best friend.” One thing surely lacking in my life and my journey so far was the lack of courage and that was what thrilled me the most about Sarah and Sam’s story now.
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