Episode 10

Last updated on September 29th, 2023 at 07:12 am

“Ibukun, I’m not ready for this night to end,” Aiden says. If I’m being honest, neither am I. We’ve been parked in my compound in his car for over twenty minutes sitting in silence.

“Are you running from me? Do you think I’m too much for you?” I blurt out.

“What? Baby. It’s a business trip. That’s bound to happen. It’s one of the things we have to discuss once we get your go-ahead to officially start this.” He gestures between us.

“Ok… My ex, he was really sweet. We were good together but he was in love with someone else.”

“Oh! Baby. There’s no one else. I’ve been decidedly single for more than two years. There’s no ex in the picture. I can’t do that to you.” He pulls me into his arms as much as he can. I’m beginning to get used to being in his arms even though it’s only happened a few times.

“What were you going to tell me earlier?”

“You mean you want to know why I bribed you with good food?” He pulls away to look at my face sensing I’m better.

“Come inside,” I whisper.

“Umm, Ibukun… we can talk here. It’s fine.” I unfasten my seat belt, grab my purse, and put my hand on the door handle. “Aiden, come inside.” I open the door and walk to the driver’s side of the car.

“Ibukun, you don’t have to.” If I can really trust my emotions now, I’d say that Aiden seems nervous. But he was in my house earlier. I’m probably reading too much into his actions. I hold out my hand to him and he comes out of the car.

Inside, I take the pack of food from him and then go to get him a glass of water. I expected food for both of us but see just one. I put it in the microwave and go back to the sitting room.

“Are you not going to sit?” I ask seeing him standing and looking around.

“Oh, okay.” He answers as if he just realised he’s been standing. I set the glass of water on the stool beside him. 

“I’m heating our food. Please give me some minutes to change. Be back soon, don’t miss me.” I say. He smiles appearing relieved.

—

“Did I take long? I had the shortest shower ever.” I say, putting our now hot food on the stool beside the glass of water that’s now empty.

“Naa. You’re perfect, baby. Right on time.” And something in my chest tugs like his words hold more meaning.

“Okiess. So juice? Wine? Soft drinks? I saw that you got only one pack of food, we’ll have to manage it.” I get up and go into the kitchen not waiting for his reply. He says something and I peek into the sitting room, “What did you say?”

“That the food is for you, not us.” I hiss playfully and get him wine. I’m enjoying his presence here, I almost don’t want him to leave.

“Okay, drink up.” I drop the glass of wine on the stool. “Do you want to watch something?” I search for the TV remote.

“Ibukun, Ibukun. Wait. I want to savour this moment, just us.” He says softly, holding my gaze. The air shifts and I’m intensely aware of him. His eyes are slightly hooded as he strokes my arm.

“Let’s eat!” I scream more than necessary. It doesn’t break the trance but it provides a good distraction.

“I want this to be official, Ibukun. Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m saying.” Of course, I do. We’re adults and he’s been upfront from the onset, we can’t keep playing games. The problem is I’m not sure if I’m ready.

“What does this mean to you?” I ask.

“I want to be your man and you, my woman. I want to be able to care for you, to be the one you call when you’re happy or sad, to be the one who gets to feed you, to be one of the things that make you happy, to hold you. I want to be free to love you and for you to receive my love.” I nod, unable to talk.

“Ibukun, is that okay? Tell me what you want. I might not have said what you want. You can trust me.”

“You’ve said everything, Aiden.” There’s that look in his eyes again. I look at our untouched meal. It was easy for me to conclude that love wasn’t for me. After Adelana went back to his love, I understood what it means to have that pull, to feel as if you aren’t complete without that person, to come alive with that person. I couldn’t deny him that experience. I just thought that it was reserved for some people.

“Ibukun, hey, baby. You don’t have to answer me now.” He says, searching my face. Then he turns serious. “I want an answer when I get back from my trip. Two weeks is enough, Ibukun.” 

“Okay okay. Thanks.” I answer. Then he gets up. I know it’s late, so I don’t say anything or express my sadness at him leaving.

“Good night, baby.” He kisses my nose and lingers. “Close the door after me.” He finally whispers.

—

I’ve had the most torturous week of my entire life. My divorce left me sad and destabilised. Meanwhile, this past week has felt as if an organ is missing, and the space the organ used to occupy keeps aching. I can’t describe it. I still haven’t told my friends but I’ve seriously contemplated it. 

Aiden and I only chatted a few times; when he arrived at his destination and another day he sent me a miss you text. I know I can probably chat with him on WhatsApp but I think I understand that he’s trying to give me space. 

I don’t know how I survive in the following days. I’m raw, sore, and irritable, almost as if I have withdrawal syndrome, from… Aiden? I’m restless as I move from one show to another on the TV. After a while, I turn off the TV and face my thoughts. One thought has been persistent from the night Aiden left. I’m afraid to confront it because I don’t want to face the implications. 

…

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