Last updated on March 4th, 2024 at 04:29 pm
It’d been days since Zabby and I spoke about my fight with Tochi. I noticed that she only listened and validated me, nodding occasionally as I spoke, rubbing my arms, and inserting comments where necessary. I felt heard and relieved, but I was curious about what she had to say. I needed her perspective. I could guess what she had to say, but I wanted to hear it. I wanted to tell her my view too.
I would talk to mummy since she was an older person with experience but could she give me unbiased advice? Her marriage had not exactly been the smoothest but I really needed to hear from other people. I loved Tochi but I had this deep sense that I was making a mistake. I could be wrong though, so I wanted someone to tell me that. I hoped someone would tell me that there was nothing to worry about and that misunderstandings were normal in relationships.
***
“Hello, Angel.” It’s been a week since Tochi and I last spoke. I had no intention to call him and it scared me—being able to go days without talking to my boyfriend. But, I couldn’t get over the fight and Tochi’s shallow thinking. He belittled the difficulty I went through which was worsened by his absence.
“Hi, good afternoon.” I was on my lunch break at work. I used to think it was not necessary to take a whole hour off work when I had a lot to do, but after seeing just how insensitive the corporate world could be, I knew I had to utilise every benefit I had. I was done eating now, but I stayed back surfing the internet.
“You are very stubborn. Every time, it’s Tochi causing the issue, but maybe for once in your life, you should also consider that you are not the easiest person to deal with. If I didn’t call you, you wouldn’t have called abi?” I hated the fact that he was right to an extent. Maybe I was not the easiest girlfriend out there, but I wasn’t ready to admit that to Tochi.
“How are you?” I answered, ignoring every other thing he said. He sighed.
“I am fine. How is my baby?”
“I am okay.” We were both quiet for a while.
“How’s Eliam?”
“He is fine.”
“When is our next video call?” This was my first call with my boyfriend in the new year, strained and lifeless.
“I don’t know.”
“Angel, what’s wrong with you? Is this how you want to start the new year? I thought by now you would be apologetic, but no.”
“I don’t know when I am going home, so I don’t know when you will see Eliam.” I was at home up until a few days ago but he didn’t call, I definitely was not going home for the next two weeks.
“Okay.” Then he ended the call. A great start to the year!
***
I had just told Zabby everything that transpired between Tochi and me today. As usual, she was quiet, only listening and validating me. I held her hand and forced her to look at me. “Zabby, say something. Insult me, judge me. Just say something. I want your advice.”
“What he did is called gaslighting.” Breakthrough!
“I am listening.”
“He was the one that left when you were pregnant. He didn’t come back until Eliam was about five months old. Not only did he leave, but he also left in the most disrespectful and careless way. Yes, I insist that he had the right to panic, but he took his time. He panicked for over a year and came back when he was ready. He left and made no reparation when he came back. Nothing to show that he was sorry. Not to insert myself but when he called me about him surprising you on your birthday, he didn’t even apologise. I had a chat where he insulted me when I tried to make him understand that you needed him. I saved it for reference. I didn’t give you the full gist, because there was nothing he said to me that was surprising.” Now, this is a lot. Elizabeth sure had a lot of bottled-up feelings. It gave me a sense of relief to hear her.
“I am so sorry for everything he said to you. I am really sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s not about me.”
“I am listening, Elizabeth.” She looked at me the moment I called her full name and something changed in her expression. It seemed as if she was struggling. I squeezed her hand and nudged her to talk. At this point, I felt like she needed it as much as I did.
“You gave him another chance and he acted new and changed for a while. It’s an old tale at this point, he did it many times when you were both in school. He gaslights you by making you question your stance. So, instead of focusing on the fact that he lied about coming, conveniently omitting to inform you about his leave, and making no move to see his son and girlfriend, he pushes everything to you. He tells you that you are difficult to be with, he makes you feel like you are overreacting, and you begin to question everything.” Her words hit home. I didn’t realise I was crying until she wiped my cheeks.
“Thank you, Zabby.”
“No one is perfect. You are far from perfect. But your imperfection pales in comparison to the things he has done without remorse.” I was nodding my head frantically now. Zabby seemed to have said all she wanted to say, so she got up. “I am going inside. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow, I need to go to bed early.” I nodded my head again, unable to talk. She went inside and I was left alone with my thoughts.
***
I woke up earlier than usual today, so I put the extra time to good use. I started packing my stuff for the weekend. Eliam had resumed school, so we often spoke in the mornings before he left for school. I could not stop thinking about what Zabby told me. I pieced different situations in our relationship together and it was the same pattern. I just thought ours was a true love story and we could make it work. In every love story, someone had to hold the fort, didn’t they? One person had to be a sheep while the other was in their wolf phase. Also, since Tochi was not cheating or giving me any drama with other women, I had no issues holding the fort. I was sure of his love for me.
Right now, his love would not suffice. One person couldn’t hold the fort while the other remained entirely unaware, entitled, or had no plans to sit up. I still loved Tochi though or was it because we started as friends? Was this true love? What was even true love? In every romance book, the woman was always waiting on her lover. He only came to his senses when she was about to leave and he swept her off her feet as he lived his life proving his love to her. In the real world, it appeared to be different. How many more ultimatums would push Tochi into sitting up?
…
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