Last updated on September 4th, 2023 at 11:51 am
Disagreements are normal in a relationship as we all know. Trying to resolve a disagreement in itself is a lot of work. To add to this work is the need for reparation which makes it two-phased: resolving the misunderstanding and amendment.
Many times, we can quench the fire of a blazing argument but the soreness, the ashes remain. Often, we can resort to letting time ease the hurt and leftover emotions but reparation hastens the process, strengthens the bond, and helps us feel secure with each other again. If only resolving the misunderstanding is where you’re at, girllll, good job! However, if you can relate to the post-fight tension then you should consider reparation and thankfully, it’s often not as heated and stressful as the first step of resolution.
Reparation can often fall under three sects even though all three are intertwined to some extent:
Emotional:
This is all about your feelings. Quite often even when the cause of a misunderstanding is seemingly trivial, it can escalate because we get emotional about it. A cup is out of place and that’s the first thing you notice as you return from work and you get upset.
Putting the cup in the right place can be a way to resolve the misunderstanding but it won’t suffice if you’ve gotten in your feels about it. To make amends, you both want to take time out to reflect alone and then together. What about the incident pissed you off? What could you have done to prevent the argument?
Be willing to go through this step, to listen, and forgive. In emotionally repairing your issues, forgiveness is very significant—it’s letting go because we realise that our partners do not intend to hurt us intentionally or at a deeper level and that they are imperfect.
Verbal:
Here it’s all about using your words to fix things. Talk it out after processing it rather than keeping it to yourself, own your part in the fight, take accountability, let your partner also talk, apologise and offer reassurance.
During fights, we can exhibit passive-aggressive behaviours; other times and frequently it’s an exchange of words. With our words, we inflict wounds. Verbal reparation means that we do just the opposite; we soothe and assuage our partner.
It’s also nice to appreciate your partner for their role in quelling the fire. It takes a lot to be the one to first sign out or back out from a fight.
Physical:
While many couples can easily tick off the emotional and verbal part, I’m inclined to believe that we miss out on the physical part. Think makeup sex or even going to bed without your usual goodnight kiss.
For some couples, after processing their feelings and talking it out, sex might be their way of reigniting their bond but there are other physical forms of intimacy that are nonsexual. It could be a hug while you talk or holding hands as you apologise. It could be looking into each other’s eyes for a moment, a kiss on the forehead, or sitting together with your bodies touching.
Physical reparation breaks the barrier put up during the fight. It slices the veil of the ego and reminds you of your connection.
…
The steps you take after a misunderstanding are as crucial to the bond of the relationship as the steps you take to work out the misunderstanding. Both steps are no small feat but what’s worth doing at all is worth doing well.
If you’re going to spend your time with someone and get them involved in your life—committing to them for however long, it makes sense to create something substantial, something worthwhile.
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good.