Last updated on May 15th, 2023 at 09:17 am
“Just one question and I will be fine. Help me ask Jude. Did he tamper with the condom?”
“Ehh, you should be ashamed of yourself. What if he tampered with it? I will still scold him for even accepting to use such sef. He has paid your bride price, in full!” Mummy screamed. If only these people knew how angry I was, I feel cheated and used. I couldn’t even scratch the surface of the depth of my feelings. If I had more guts and probably enough money, this discussion wouldn’t be happening.
“There are two things we have come all the way from Ikire to tell you here, if you no longer respect us as your parents, at least respect us as old people that risked their lives for your good.” Mummy said.
“All this one your mummy is saying, I don’t care. Nothing must happen to your pregnancy and we must not hear any nasty report from your husband again.” My father said.
“Lape, have you heard your father?” And then it became clearer to me, my parents were never going to support me in having the life I chose. To them, the life they chose for me would always be better. Regardless, I knelt down and thanked them then asked what they’d like to eat.
“We are not eating anything. You keep disappointing us. We missed church for your sake. We need to leave now and see if we can even meet the benediction.” Mummy replied.
***
When Jude sneaked his way into mummy’s heart and they got me to marry him without asking for my opinion, I did not feel this much cheated. I laid awake thinking about how Jude was humble and performative with my parents earlier: carrying the children, feeding them, things he never did on a normal day.
“Baby.” What does he want?
“Lape, I know you can hear me. I am sorry if it annoyed you, I mean me calling your parents earlier.” I kept quiet and I think he got the clue and left me alone. Wicked man. It felt a bit like I was overreacting, after all, he was my husband, but I could not shake off the feeling of being deceived.
***
It’d been almost three weeks since my parents came around and I hadn’t said a word to Jude since then. Surprisingly, he had been leaving our feeding allowance. I immersed myself into my business trying to cover up for the days I missed. There was no way I was stopping this business; I could pause for a while but I was never stopping. Every day it became clearer that this could be my escape someday. That’s a weird thought though.
Vic had stopped asking me about what I had intended doing and she just went with the flow, the usual Vic style. I could still abort it if I wanted to but I was scared. Jude was still acting demure and changed now, but the devil in him would surface when he felt like I defied his orders and his ploy. I did not feel brave enough to do this and it was the truth.
***
“Mummy Dimeji, will I be begging you for sex again?” Jude only called me this when he wanted me to feel like a mother, to bring out the nurturing part of me. We had not had sex in about a month now and he seemed to be reaching his limit. I barely talked to him; I didn’t know why it made any sense to him to keep asking for sex.
“Is Faith not around?” These were my first words to him in three weeks.
“What are you saying?” He asked his well-hidden irritation for me over the past few months managed to seep through.
“Please, let me be, go and meet your mistress.”
“Lape. You are a devil. You are a silly woman and I regret marrying you.” Well, that didn’t take long. I rinsed the last plate and set it to dry. After drying my hands, I made to leave the kitchen and he blocked the entrance. I stepped back. He had never hit me, but his stance now was menacing, like I should not dare him. I leaned against the cabinet holding my chin with my left hand.
“Jude, what is it? I am not interested, is there a problem?”
“Can you hear yourself? A married woman behaving like a cheap prostitute!” Coming from Jude, I could not even hide my laughter. That seemed to make him mad though.
“Why are you laughing?” he moved towards me. I saw the danger and wiped the smile off my face immediately. “You won’t make me offend God through you. Stupid thing!” He said and stormed out. I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding. What to do? Many things beyond sex were getting him angry and it made me feel a bit balanced. If I couldn’t get rid of the pregnancy, I sure wanted to make this house hell for him.
***
Sarah and Vic were really sensitive and I was so glad to have them in my life. None of them gave any silly remarks or jokes about my pregnancy even though they both knew I did not want a third child. Mummy kept calling and asking if I was submitting to my husband, following it up with bible quotes. Many days, I did not bother picking up her calls; something I could never do before. At least I was getting brave.
I wanted to talk to someone, to share every single thing about my marriage. I told Vic usually when it seemed as if I’d implode from too much thinking, but I still skipped many parts of the whole thing. I did not know what was left for me anymore and could see the empathetic stares Sarah gave me. She probably understood how I felt. I woke up daily and did what had to be done then slept or stayed awake all night.
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