Episode 38

Last updated on May 15th, 2023 at 09:08 am

Jude and I never spoke about that night again by some silent agreement, but he started acting better in the house. He started coming back earlier and asking about business. He seemed to have come around and resumed helping with the chores and the kids. I think this was it, finally. What I has hoped for was here. But I could not relax into this new life, I was too skeptical. Time would tell and my distrust was not unfounded.

We had been having sex every night since then, with Jude taking his time to please me and coming in with the condom himself. It made me feel relaxed that I didn’t have to be coaxed all the time.  I was also beginning to feel relaxed and even enjoying the sex without feeling sore. I didn’t know why everything couldn’t be as easy as this. I guess I had to take it as it came.

I could not hold back from checking his phone. As usual, it had no password. Even I with nothing to hide had a password for my phone, well, I had kids. I picked up his phone when he had slept and saw that he was still doing very fine with Faith. Apparently, they had a fight and he was begging her and promising to send her some money. I did not scroll enough to see what caused the fight. Seeing my husband begging his side chic at the same time he was begging me felt bad.

Thinking about it now, did he really apologise to me? I remember him saying he wants to fix things and him crying after saying he had been a bad husband, but I got no closure. He did not ask that we sit down to discuss that day. Anyway, I already had a stressful day and a night of good sleep would leave me at ease.

***

My kids were my entire joy. I would have loved for Dan to be a girl, but I was fine with his gender, regardless. With Daniel at eleven months now, he could do many things, many of which were cute while some made me crazy. Dimeji was in this stage where he was trying to prove useful to me. He tried to sweep; tried to do anything he saw me doing. The other day he was struggling with Daniel’s diapers.

Today was a Saturday and we were all inside with their cartoon on, Daniel was between concentrating on the TV and his toy phone, spit drooling from his mouth.

“Daniel,” I called and he was silent. When kids did this, I wondered what was on their minds. They can’t just be bothered, I guess. I called him again—silence. “Dan, mummy is calling you.” Dimeji said in his baby voice.

“Hmm.” He replied, not even looking at me. Dimeji was sitting on his legs engrossed in the cartoon. “Dan, close your mouth.” I said.

“Close your mouth, Daniel.” I repeated and burst into laughter when he held his lips with his free hand. I was still laughing as I went into the room to get my book. It was probably old school, but I still wrote down everything related to my business in a book. I attended to orders on Saturday also and did a general review. As usual, Jude was not around and it was just me and my kids. He was still being a good husband, but I wasn’t hopeful that he could do it long-term. As long as he stopped complaining about my business. 

***

“Vic, I am pregnant.” Vic stopped her rant and looked at me hard, trying to see if I was joking or something. We were on a video call and I had just interrupted her.

“Did I hear you well?”

“Yes.” I felt deflated, like a balloon. We discovered it a month ago. I had contemplated so many things, but I still couldn’t wrap my head around my being pregnant.

“How? What of the IUD?”

“We have been using condoms instead.”

“Okay? You forgot a few times?” Vic asked. You see, we never did and that’s what has been baffling me. I had a crazy idea and only someone like Vic could understand. Right now, though, she looked frozen.

“Vic,” I said as if I was trying to bring her back to life. “Vic, I think Jude tampered with the condom.” Vic was frozen before, but now she looked pale if it was even possible. I continued, “Do you know he did not even flinch when the doctor confirmed the pregnancy?” I could not get over the look he had that day in the office, like he knew, like he expected it. He immediately held my hand, with a little smile on his face, I was so shocked that I could not say anything until we got home. 

“Vic.”

“Lape, this is serious, are you sure? I believe you always, you know that…I am just, it’s just confusing.”

“I understand. But I feel like he did.” I told Vic of his refusal to use condoms and his subsequent coaxing even after he had suggested we use condoms instead of me getting an IUD. I told her of his tantrums and how he later started bringing his condom instead —I thought he was fine with it already.

“You think he pierced it?”

“He might have done anything. Vic, I don’t want another pregnancy. I dislike the idea of me being pregnant every year. Also, I don’t have the smoothest pregnancies.”

“Lape, I am so sorry. I try to be a listening ear instead of the one to make suggestions and push you. I want to be there for you. But, how long would this keep happening?”

“Vic, I don’t know.” I almost could not get out the last word as I broke down in tears. I felt stuck and trapped. I didn’t even know what to think. After a while, I stopped crying. 

“Are you okay now?” Vic said.

“Yes, yes, I am. You should get back to work.”

“I would, soon, don’t bother.”

“Thank you.” I said, wiping my face.

“Lape, what do we do now?”

“I don’t even know. I just needed to be sure that I am not crazy.”

“Baby girl, you are not crazy…” Vic paused for a while, then, “Lape, you know you can evacuate the product, right?” It took me time to understand what she meant. Product. Evacuate. She seemed to notice my confusion.

“I mean; you can terminate the pregnancy without your husband knowing.” Vic said.