Episode 2

Last updated on May 19th, 2023 at 08:08 am

I still felt sort of envious when I saw couples that seem to be doing fine. Frankly, I was sure that no outsider would think Jude and I were not doing fine. Mummy had even mentioned it a couple of times when I complained that she didn’t understand my complaint and I should face my son. 

Eight months into the marriage and our sex life was almost nonexistent because of the heavy fatigue that accompanied my pregnancy. On my part, I tried to remain sexy as mummy had instructed. I tried to keep the house clean and called him during the day to know how he was doing. I stopped checking up on him after I noticed that he rarely picked up my calls at work or whenever he went out. After confronting him, we had a big fight and I resolved to maintain peace in my home and to stop calling.

Sometimes, I did not even understand the cause of our fight. I actually thought that he blew things out of proportion so that we wouldn’t get to the root of the matter. In the end, I would find myself apologising. There were so many things happening that left me befuddled. One thing was that I was in this forever and I was committed to making it work. I also tried to complain less because I didn’t want to come off as a nag. I knew how much men hated women nagging. Our marriage counsellor stressed this issue during our premarital counselling. I could even still hear his voice now as he warned me.

***

“Mrs Lape Alaka.” The nurse called my name.

“Here ma.” I got up and went into the doctor’s office with my baby.

Dimeji had earlier dropped us off at the hospital on his way to work. I had to wake up early so as not to delay him. Although, I would have to take a bus home after we were done in the hospital. This was usually stressful—shuffling a baby and at the same time trying to enter a bus. Maybe I would talk to Jude about considering getting me a car. It would help a lot.

Two hours later, we were done at the hospital. I strapped him to my back and opened my umbrella as we got out of the hospital, then hailed a bike to take us to the junction where we would then get a bus home.

***

“You need a car?” Jude said.

After his dinner, I asked him for a car and told him it did not have to be immediate, but he could put it in his plans. I gave him my reasons for wanting a car, mentioning the hospital and market movement. Now he asked if I needed a car like I had grown horns on my head.

I adjusted on the chair, feeling a bit anxious, and replied, “Yes, Jude. It’s not so urgent. But as we have more kids, it will eventually become necessary.”

He shook his head and went back to cleaning his shoes. 

“Jude, are you not even going to say anything?” 

“Lape, woman! Please and please don’t make me angry tonight. After a car what else will you demand? Look look, I just haven’t mentioned it, but you should check your weight, especially your stomach. I guess that’s more important right now than demanding a car and wanting to feel among.”

It was true, I was about two months postpartum and my tummy still looked as if I was pregnant. But I stayed indoors all day, doing house chores and nursing a baby, I barely remember what I used to look like. This new body was strange to me, still very strange. To the issue at hand though, Jude had finished cleaning his shoes and gone inside the room. 

I went into the kitchen and washed the plates feeling a bit tired. I would not mind like a whole day away from this child and these daily chores. And even as this thought came, a wave of guilt followed. I loved my child, of course. It’s just, I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since I had him. Some nights after breastfeeding him, I would start crying. I didn’t know if it was still the hormones. Usually, I reminded myself of how lucky I was to have a healthy baby.

As soon as I finished tidying up the kitchen, I went inside the room to make peace with Jude, but he was not in our room. Dimeji was asleep and he would be up around 12 at midnight to suck, then around 3 or 4 am again. I went into the other room and Jude was asleep too. I guess I would have to apologise to him before he left for work in the morning. I went back into the room and took a shower. I looked at myself in the mirror and could not justify who appeared in the mirror as me.