Last updated on January 14th, 2024 at 12:54 pm
My last conversation with Joe left me unsettled. I was plagued with guilt and I’d replay the conversation in my head repeatedly. Tochi noticed and had been reaching out more often asking if he offended me. I just didn’t have it in me to go ahead as if nothing had happened. I questioned if I made the right decision. Zabby said there was no right or wrong, just what your heart said but it did not help.
Angel, I’m coming to your hostel this evening. Please let’s see. Tochi’s message came in. He had been genuinely disturbed and it was one thing that made me feel warm during the past few days. I felt like one thing was right in everything—his concern for me.
I closed the message and dropped my head on the table. We had our tests coming up in about a week. I needed the semester and year to be my best academically, I couldn’t graduate with a first class again but I wanted a solid second class upper grade. I picked up my phone after about thirty minutes of reading and replied to his message.
Sure. Bring goodies.
Alright, honey. He replied, almost immediately. That’s another change I noticed, he had been replying to my messages faster now. He also didn’t go off without giving me a heads-up. I think we stand a chance.
***
“Angel, I’m scared.” We were on a walk and the campus was tranquil, the wind blowing lightly. We had resumed our daily walks again and today, after my test he came to my department and we both went to my hostel before he went to his hostel. He held my hand hesitantly as we started walking today, as if he was not sure of my reaction.
“Scared? Why?” He was quiet, seeming to mull over the question.
“Well, nothing serious. But I just fear losing you again.”
“Hmm, okay o.”
“I am serious. Since we met, I have lost you more than thrice. You remember that time after we newly met that we didn’t see for about a year?” That’s true.
“Yes, we did not see after that orientation until 200 level.”
“You see why I’m scared?”
“I don’t know what to say…I think we are past that stage. What do you think?”
“I don’t know. It’s as if a force wants us to be apart.” I felt anger rise within my chest and took a deep breath. He was the reason we kept separating, he was the force. As if he sensed it, he looked at my face, “Angel, what’s wrong?” I was going to tell him there was nothing but I decided against it.
“You are the force, you know?” I said, detaching my hand from his. How could he act so helpless? “You are the reason we keep separating.”
“How?”
“How? Who ghosted me for weeks? Who acts unaccountable? Who jokes about everything?” I asked, now very angry.
“Angela.”
“No! Answer me.”
“Angela.” He said again moving closer. I raised my hand motioning him not to move closer. He stepped back raising his hands up. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours. Then he spoke.
“Angela, you easily see what I have done. I have also apologised but you never did. Who ghosted me for months? Who blocked me on WhatsApp? Who blacklisted my number? Over and over you avoided me even when I was sick, you did not try to hear my part. But it’s fine.” He said, his voice breaking. He did not tell a single lie. Jeez. I exhaled and bent towards my knee. I wanted to say something, anything.
“Please, let’s go back to the hostel. It’s getting late.”
“Okay,” I said, almost in a whisper as I straightened up.
***
Since that day with Tochi things had been fine with us. Neither of us talked about that day again. We video-called, chatted and spoke on the phone every single day. His friends had started teasing us even. Some of my coursemates had also started referring to him as my boyfriend since he came to my department almost every day.
The other day, he asked to speak with Zabby. ‘She is like your only sister, it’s best I get close to her,’ he had said. I had to ask Elizabeth first though, I was not sure she would be pleasant with him.
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