Chapter 7, Episode 2

Last updated on January 14th, 2024 at 12:53 pm

Just as I stalled to say yes to Joe, I had also been stalling to pick up the phone and let him know what was happening. We had not spoken in over a week and I felt bad. Every time I saw his status on WhatsApp, my heart dropped to my stomach. I hated feeling this way. But Tochi had my heart. I couldn’t keep lying to myself, it only made me confused and anxious. 

Zabby has asked only once after we spoke about it. ‘Have you told Joe?’ She asked. I told her I had not called him. I was going to say we were not that close and it was not as if I promised him anything, but that would be mean and false. So I told her I was going to call him. I saw him in school yesterday and he was the sweetest ever. ‘Sweetcakes, you look beautiful.’ He said as he hugged me. I had never felt that bad before.

I picked up my phone and sent him a message on WhatsApp.

Hi, big head.

It showed the blue tick and I held my breath as I waited for his reply. He is typing.

Honey. He replied. He never gave a one-word reply. Angel, you messed up badly. I scolded myself.

Can I call you? I quickly typed before I lost the nerve.

Yes, you can. He answered.

I dialled him on WhatsApp and took a deep breath preparing myself for the call.

“Sweetcakes.” He answered.

“Hi, Joe.” We were both quiet on the phone. I cleared my throat and framed my words. I called him so I should be able to talk. “Umm, Joe.”

“I’m here.” I wanted to tell him to help me, to say something. I cleared my throat again.

“Sweetcakes, maybe you should drink some water,” Joe said. I didn’t know if this was sarcasm or if he truly thought I was thirsty. 

“No, I’m fine. It’s just, I wanted to apologise.”

“Oh, okay?” He sounded confused. I wished that he would be angry, at least that would make it clear how he truly felt.

“I did very bad. Please, just talk to me.”

“I don’t get you, Angela.”

“We stopped talking as much as we used to.”

“Oh! Oh! Is that why you called?”

“Yes.”

“Okay? So how’s it on you?”

“I don’t know. It feels like I led you on.”

“Oh, you did.” Wow, subtle. “But I also chose to ignore the hints I got.”

“Don’t try to take the blame, you are far too kind.”

“Thank goodness, you said I am kind and not nice.”

“I gave you the feeling that we could have something,” I said, speaking up now. 

“Yes, you did. And you knew from the onset that we could not have anything.” Jeez, go easy.

“No no…I wanted something, I promise. It’s j-”

“Don’t even say it’s you and not me. Don’t.” He sounded firm, but not angry. My heart started beating fast.

“I was not going to say that.”

“Thank you.” He said.

“I just wanted to apologise.”

“Why? Because you want to be accountable? Because you don’t want to sit with the guilt? Because you pity me, as per Mr Nice Guy?”

“Joe, no. No. Please. I wanted us.”

“But?” He asked. And I froze. But what? Should I tell him that I loved another? That I never stopped loving another even as I gave him the green light? That I hoped I could stop loving Tochi by leading Joe on? I chewed on my lips as I thought about it.

“I guess we both know.” He added.

“Toch-” Jeez! Tears welled up in my eyes. This was blowing up. I was so silly.

“That’s his name?” He asked, sounding soft. I cleared my throat.

“Joe, I’m sorry.”

“Sweetcakes, I really liked you. It was not yet love cos I try to be honest with myself. I liked you and our friendship. I also knew since we were about two months in that we stood no chance. But I enjoyed talking to you. I also hoped I was wrong so I stayed. The day I asked you in the eatery was the defining moment.”

I was quiet. So, he knew? Was I that transparent? He sensed that I was not going to talk and continued, “Just fix it with him. Remember you deserve the best, always.”

“Thank you.”

“Bye, Sweetcakes.” And it sounded like goodbye. A potential friendship was lost. I buried my face in my pillow and cried even though I supposedly did the right thing.

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