A Different Holiday

Last updated on April 10th, 2024 at 07:01 am

26th December

Hey, wifey. I text Aaliyah, still finding it hard to believe that someone like her exists or better still, feeling grateful to have had the encounter.

Don’t tell me you’ve canceled our elopement already. It’s not even been up to 24 hours. I hit send and smile as I reflect on yesterday.

25th December

My father’s sister, Aunty Hallel is famous for being invited to a lot of parties and end-of-the-year parties are no exception. Since I clocked thirty-six last month, officially becoming a deputy bachelor, she’s taken it upon herself to find me a woman, a wife, before the year runs out. For this reason, I’ve been following her to all her parties and I’ve been introduced to not less than ten women none of whom I clicked with.

I was going to opt out of this party after a busy week but I already promised to be cooperative. So here I am, at a party on the 25th of December with strangers instead of sitting with a movie in my comfortable and cosy house. Thankfully, as the emcee, my aunt has been busy since we got here so she hasn’t had the time to attempt her futile matchmaking efforts.

The music is blasting very loudly from the speakers, and people are mingling and laughing but I just want to crawl into a quiet space. After looking around to be sure that my aunt is not in sight, I leave the get-together arena and stroll further away. It’s a big compound and I have no particular spot in mind but leaving the noise behind is a good compass.

I didn’t appreciate the size of the compound and the proper use of space when we drove in some minutes ago, but as I walk away from the noise, I fully take in the surroundings. There are vines crawling on the walls of the house, strong, old trees create shade and bright-coloured flowers decorate the walkway. I turn around the house and sigh as the music and rambling of the guests completely fade out.

There is a hammock slightly swinging and I approach it already fantasizing about the quality of nap that awaits me. I see a movement as I get close and indeed there’s a woman in the hammock. Her back is turned to me and she has a book in her hand. A wave of cool air hits my face as the leaves of the trees move and once more, I appreciate this old and beautiful house. I clear my throat to indicate my presence. I don’t want to be a bother but I have to acknowledge her if I plan to also sit here.

She turns around and her beauty hits me hard. Hello, did an angel drop from heaven? 

“Hi,” she answers. It must be the serenity after being immersed in the chaos that’s on the other side of the house. But her voice sounds melodious to my ears. 

“Umm, hello,” I answer thankful for composure.

“I’m guessing you need to hide from that madness as well.” She says as she sits up, gently rocking the hammock as she hangs her legs out.

“Yeah, yes. I mean, I don’t want to refer to it as madness. I don’t like to be mean, but it feels like…”

“Madness.” She answers, laughing. “They are my family, it’s madness I tell you.”

“Oh, oh…ok.” I’m still standing and now that she’s sitting, I can properly see her. I try to mentally calculate her age and make assumptions about her, but it’s impossible. One thing is sure, she’s unconventional. She taps the space beside her and I raise a brow silently confirming that she’s cool with it.

“Sit.”

“I don’t want to disturb you, I was going to sit there.” I point to a set of chairs around a table away from her.

“It’s fine then. If you want to stay here and talk, it’s also good.” She says as a matter of fact. Now I don’t want to leave. So I occupy the space beside her and catch a whiff of her.

“Why are you here?” She asks dropping her book.

“Well, my aunt dragged me here,” I say and spend the next minutes explaining my ordeal to her.

“So you don’t want to get married or what?” She asks laughing.

“I’m glad that my story can make someone laugh. To answer you though. If I am to be honest, I am happy to enjoy a deep connection with someone else. But I’m not sure that I want all the responsibility that comes with the role of being a husband.”

“Hmm,” She nods.

“How about you?” I ask, swinging my feet.

“What about me?”

“Why are you here alone in the…” I look around. “Garden. Why are you alone in the garden with a book? How are you related to the family?”

“Okayyy.” She says with a chuckle. “Well, if you’ve heard the tale of the old single lady with seventeen cats and ever wanted to see one, here she is.” She points at herself, a huge smile on her face. 

“No way. You’re not married too?”

“Oh, no. I’m single, have never been in a relationship, just a few dates that I couldn’t stand, I’ve been living alone for over twelve years, I actually own two cats and I have by these actions brought shame and embarrassment to my family, especially as the first daughter.”

“So, we’re like in the same boat?” I ask but it’s more of a statement as I throw my head back in laughter.

“I’m glad you’ve found a comrade.”

“Well, except that I can’t imagine that you would have it as easy as me. Are you also 36?”

“How considerate of you.” She answers in a mock tone. “Guess how young I am,” She adds. I shift and stare hard at her, but nothing still. I pride myself in being sensitive, subtle, and observant, immediately deducing things about people from just their body language but I’m coming up with nothing here.

“For some reason, I can’t tell. I can’t even tell your kind of person even though you don’t seem to be a clamped-up person.” She giggles in response.

“Well, I hear it all the time. I’m 38.”

“Thirty-eight?!” I ask, genuinely shocked.

“Don’t tell me I look younger. Older women get this all the time. ‘You look young for your age’ as if 38 is that old.”

“Absolutely not.” I raise both my hands. “It’s just… I think it’s the light-heartedness. You know that with age, people act more stuffed-up, less light-hearted, and kinda more serious. There’s almost this sense of playfulness to your actions and words. I don’t know if you get my point.”

“I think I do. As we grow older, we step into these performative roles and act.”

“Exactly… So, no, you don’t look like 38. Or should I say that you don’t act like 38? Girl, I don’t know. But it’s good for you… It’s almost exhilarating for me.”

“I appreciate it.” She says with a genuine smile.

“So, why are you not married?”

“The real question is why should I be married?”

“I don’t know…I am probably the wrong person to ask. But are you like against it?”

“Not really. I just don’t like to rush into things. I like to take my time and weigh my options before launching into action.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. What’s your opinion on it though?”

“Well, people get married for different reasons and I’d like to think that the reasons are valid. For me though, there’s absolutely no benefit to being married. I just never saw myself as the walk-down-the-aisle type of girl. Plus, there’s all the noise and preparation that come with planning a wedding. Don’t know if you’ve noticed in such a short time but I dislike noise and parties. I enjoy intimate gatherings instead, soft light, loved ones, real friends, good food, soft music…you feeling me?” She asks bursting into laughter. 

“Yeah, I’m feeling you. I hear you, I’m with you.”

“That’s pretty much my thought. It’s simple in my head, but guess which of my parents find it difficult?”

“Your mum?” I say, wincing.

“Nooo…shocker! My dad! I have disgraced him among his friends and in his family meetings he has to think of new lies every time someone asks him why his first daughter isn’t married. My mum is pretty chill about it, she understands me and has always accepted my eccentricity.”

“It makes a world of difference, doesn’t it?”

“You mean my mother and I being on the same page about something typically sensitive?”

“Yeah?”

“For sure, it makes a world of difference. I lucked out with my parents, but especially with my mum. I think of family as “chosen for me” and “chosen myself,” my mum falls into both categories. An older woman who’s a friend and family, I’m living!”

“That’s great.” I take some time to digest what she’s said. Her words and outlook have me transported to another place and I don’t want to leave. To feel this refreshed every day is key to longevity.

“So, what are your opinions about marriage, about weddings, romance, the whole thing? She finally asks.

“I have to admit that this conversation is creating a space where we can both be honest. For me, I struggle with being able to express myself many times because I’m tagged as weird, too sensitive, and too emotional, all of that. I want to commend your person, it’s beautiful. For the sake of this conversation, I want to also say that getting to this point in your life as a woman in this society and era is a big deal. There’s no one way to do life but your choices have to reflect your truth, your authentic need.” I pause as she nods. I briefly consider that if I hadn’t left the party or if I had stayed back home, I wouldn’t have had this opportunity. “Well, my view is that I’m whole, and getting married shouldn’t be the goal when I’m with a woman. I want to support her, love her without changing her, and foster a different type of intimacy.”

“How about kids? How about them? Cos that’s a big reason that people get married as well.” She asks with enthusiasm, swinging the hammock again. A cool breeze blows and I find myself relaxing more. She’s leaning back on her elbows at this point.

“I’m ambivalent. This is what I haven’t told my mum or aunt yet. I actually had a five-year relationship. I told her from the get-go that I was uncertain about kids. We eventually had an amicable split because she needed someone certain.”

“I respect her decision. It’s wise to do what serves when it comes to something like that.”

“Yeah, I attended her wedding and she now has a baby.”

“Aww, that’s cute.”

“It is. So do you want children? What do you think of love? Do you think we’ve been socialised to always want to find fulfillment in another?”

“You’re speaking my mind, hun! No, I don’t want kids. I have known since I was ten. I knew before I had any idea of what I wanted to be in the future. I grew up with four younger sisters and an older brother. My mum tried not to make me feel the burden, my dad also really tried. But guess who still observed their struggle? Me. As much as I was shielded, I still had to parent my siblings to an extent. My mum was going to stop at the third child, my immediate sister, but she got pregnant again, hoped it was going to be a boy, and went for it and they were triplets!”

“What?!” I let out a bark of laughter.

“Triplets! We lost our grandmas that year so my parents were on their own. Suffice it to say that they felt it. In my alone time, I’d mull over it and it didn’t take long to know that I wanted to be exempted from that experience. This hammock has stayed with me through all my times of solitude. Solitude is my drug, children don’t flow with solitude. It wasn’t a hard decision. I think that unlearning that I had to be with someone to be fulfilled was the tough decision.”

“So the dates you had were your attempts at trying to find someone?”

“Yes. Thankfully, they all wanted kids and that was a major deal breaker for me. After a while, it hit me that life can be full with or without a significant other and being alone isn’t a bad thing as painted by the media and everyone.”

“Hmmm. Do you know my drug?” I ask feeling more relaxed than ever.

“You’re on drugs?”

“Funny!” I say sarcastically.

“Tell me!” She demands playfully.

“This. These types of conversations. This is my drug. This is intimacy to me.”

“So, you’re cool with waking in the morning to jump straight into deep conversations?”

“Anytime, any day. My not-oft shared truth is that relationships are too inclined towards goals rather than two people who connect and enjoy themselves. Goals build pressure.”

“I agree.”

“So what’s the most important to you in a relationship?”

“Autonomy. I’m Thirty-eight and old and tired, I just want to continue doing my things the way that I do. To always be able to do these little things that bring me joy, like visiting my parents not just to see them but to come and cuddle with a book in their hammock. I don’t need rules like a student in a class.”

“Sounds good! I can do that.” I jump out of the hammock, go on one knee, break a leaf, and hold it up as a ring, “will you marry me?” She cracks up in response.

“What’s my name, Mr Romantic?”

“Umm, what’s your name?” I ask and we both laugh.

“Aaliyah.”

“Aaliyah, will you elope with me? We can create our own thing and do it how we want. Elope with Oriyomi, Aaliyah.”

“An elopement? Yes to that!” She answers excitedly and I slide the leaf on her finger as it unravels immediately.

26th December

You’re funny. She replies and calls immediately.

“Oriyomi, why are you awake at 6:45 am and texting? It’s a holiday.”

“Is it?” I ask, unable to hide my smile.

“I refuse to have a deep conversation at this time of the day, I’m barely awake.”

“Tell me you’re always this light-hearted.”

“Tell me you’re indeed this drama-free.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” I answer smugly, feeling my heart expand.

“The elopement, right?”

“You got it!”

“I repeat, you’re funny.” She answers as we both laugh and if anything, this deep sense of peace is worth it. I do not have butterflies about the beautiful woman I met yesterday, not nervousness, maybe it’s because I’m old and tired *in her words* but I do feel an indescribable sense of peace.

Read more stories here