Last updated on August 3rd, 2023 at 11:48 am
It’s easy to forget that you have a relationship to maintain with yourself when you’re in a relationship. We simply project our needs onto our partners and forget that two people make a relationship and each individual needs to be able to show up fully.
The only way to fully show up is to oil and service your relationship with yourself—to dedicate your resources to making yourself feel loved, deeply connected to yourself, and being better for yourself. You can’t afford to let yourself go. While a secure relationship easily fosters a healthy sense of self, we understand that the high of being in love can come with forgetting that there is a self to look out for.
It doesn’t help that movies, books, and the media paint a relationship as the be-all and end-all. Dating yourself and sustaining your self-relationship also help you show up as a better and more grounded partner. It’s not about being unhealthily selfish nor should it be to the detriment of your partner. But a collective is only as strong as the individuals that constitute it.
Here are some ways to date yourself:
*Allot some time to check in with yourself daily
*Go on solo dates, to the library, park, eatery, etc.
*Maintain a strong social connection; visit friends, join a book club, etc.
*Commit to a hobby or something that you enjoy doing.
*Pamper yourself; go to the spa, facial treatments, mani-pedi, etc.
*Get yourself meaningful gifts
If you need more convincing, here are some beneficial reasons to date yourself whether or not you’re in a relationship:
Gives room for self-development:
Dating yourself means that you don’t neglect yourself and consequently, your growth. While I don’t advocate seeing ourselves as projects in constant need of fixing, I appreciate the fact that we’re capable of growth and expansion.
It’s beautiful to look back and see how far we’ve come over the course of time. Self-development is not something to just tick off our to-do list, it’s us permitting ourselves to expand, reach our full potential, maximise our living experience, and minimise self-inflicted suffering. One surefire way to hop off the train of self-development is to neglect oneself. I reckon we don’t want this, hence why we date ourselves. Dating yourself is a means of constantly checking in with yourself.
Improves perception of our value:
One major problem that we face as adults is a deep lack of trust in ourselves and our abilities. It’s not our fault considering that we were raised to think that the validation and perception of others mattered more than ours. However, once we reach a certain age and assume full responsibility for ourselves, we cease blaming mummy and daddy.
Devoting and investing time, money, energy, and what other resources to you shifts your entire mindset. You start to see yourself as one who is worthy. When we consider ourselves as valuable beings, we build and nourish a safe space where we can then trust ourselves. You become your personal cheerleader because of the difference in your value perception.
Builds a rich inner and outer world experience:
I mean we only live once and we should be able to enjoy this life solo even when we have other people/connections to enjoy life with. First, be your best friend! If you waited for others, you might be waiting for a long time.
Social connection is a non-negotiable for me, especially in a hyper-independent society. Regardless, social connection doesn’t cancel the need to know and devote to yourself. As individuals, we have different needs and values, and dating yourself implies that you acknowledge your own needs and wants.
While I still struggle with dating myself and admit that I’m very far from where I want to be, I see it as an opportunity to enjoy life. It’s certainly something that should be encouraged and emphasised. We can only receive/give the love (to others) that we have in us.
Cheers to all the girlies on their self-love journey!
