Last updated on June 25th, 2023 at 02:57 pm
Is it will or motivation or wish? Or is it just plain ol’ self-boundary?
Introduction
When we consider self-discipline, we think that will is the key to exercising this discipline. Very rarely do we not have the inspiration or motivation when we set our mind to accomplishing a goal. So, it’s usually not for a lack of desire or will or wish.
Devotion to self
In being devoted (a word some prefer to “discipline”) to our growth, one concept that we often overlook is self-boundary. If we have a boundary with other people, then it makes sense that it should start with us. If keeping firm boundaries in healthy interpersonal relationships is relevant, then it shouldn’t be strange that this might just be what we’re missing in our self-relationship.
Definition
Self-boundary refers to actions you take or thoughts you have in order to establish certain limits in different areas of your life. Emotionally, you need to establish limits in order to protect your emotional health. This applies to your finances, mental health, time management, etc—you establish a limit that aligns with your threshold. Self-boundary communicates what is and what’s not acceptable for your overall health, happiness, and growth.
Self-boundary Examples
Here are some ways we reflect self-boundary in our lives (some we already do without knowing):
- Eating dinner at no more than 7 pm.
- Spending only one hour on social media in a day.
- Not indulging in impulse buying.
- Having fruits as breakfast instead of a processed meal.
- Not attending to calls thirty minutes before your bedtime.
How to set self-boundary
Setting self-boundary can be tough mainly because when we think of boundaries we relate them to our relationship with people. Also, we probably didn’t have healthy self-boundaries modelled to us as kids. Lastly, when we think of self-boundary, it comes with negative connotations such as being selfish, mean, and the like. Remember the look on your family’s face when you refused to hug a relative as a kid?
Understand that the way you treat yourself not only helps you develop a sense of self-trust but also shows people how you’d like to be treated. Also, the fact that something wasn’t modelled to you as a kid doesn’t mean you don’t have what it takes to be an embodiment of such. Lastly, if you’ve associated negative emotions with self-boundary, you need to redefine and rewrite what it truly means to you. If you’re ready to take the plunge, here are some ways:
Identify areas of your life that need immediate action
What areas of your life are you struggling with? If it’s your finance, then it could be that you find it hard to save even though you’ve gotten yearly raises. What areas of your life need urgent action? Write out the areas that give you the most anxiety.
Identify your threshold with such areas
If your sleep is a mess and you wake up every morning with a pounding headache, identify your threshold. What’s your limit? What is the latest time that you can sleep if you intend to have a good night’s sleep and wake up with a smile? If it is 10 pm, then that’s your threshold.
Identify the main cause of your struggle
What’s the cause of this struggle? Say you’ve identified your struggle as having a late dinner, what action supports it? What’s the excuse that you use to continue this habit? It could be that you return late from work or that you start preparing dinner late. Identifying this cause can help you understand how the cycle works.
Write down your boundary and reason
If you’ve been following the previous steps, well done! Now, you want to write down your boundary and the reason for this boundary. Let’s say the habit is impulse buying, you can include this in your table (habit, boundary, and reason as the title for each column). Next, you include the boundary and this could be: no more than two impulse purchases in a week. Note that the boundary doesn’t state zero impulse buying in a week, instead, it says the limit which is no more than twice a week. The reason for this can then be that you intend to save more.
Implement the boundaries gradually
Rather than getting overwhelmed trying to incorporate all your boundaries at once, take them one at a time. Also, it gets easier the more you practice which propels you to take action in other areas that you haven’t considered.
Conclusion
It’s essential to be realistic when setting boundaries, the idea is not to necessarily eliminate or completely turn around a habit but to create a limit that you wouldn’t cross. With time, you can adjust the limit as you observe progress.
Go ahead and try this concept today and see how it influences your overall self-discipline. It was never about a lack of will or desire, you just didn’t think that practising self-boundary was needed.
Read the importance of self-discipline