Last updated on April 30th, 2023 at 04:22 pm
I wanted to talk to Jude when he returned. I knew I seemed confused because just some days ago, I had agreed to face my life and leave Jude to do what pleased him. But seeing his emotions the other day in the kitchen and him not snapping at me even when I accused him made me feel like our marriage stood a chance. Our wedding anniversary was this month and it should count for something.
I would talk to him when he returned. I wanted to tell him the kind of marriage I anticipated and how what we had was a far cry from that. I could forgive his cheating, as long as he stopped and became a better man. I wanted to ask him what I had done wrong or what I could do to make him pull his weight in this marriage and be fully committed. I also wanted to ask him why he married me, to begin with, and if his heart was still in this marriage.
I wrote all my questions for him on a piece of paper and practiced how I was going to ask him. He was supposed to return later today, we had only spoken once since he left, even though he had been updating his WhatsApp status. Today, I’d make the right move towards fixing this. To fix us.
***
“Hello Jude, are you not returning today?” I said after he finally picked up, it was past nine pm already. A part of me knew he would not return today, any extra time to spend with his mistress. Should I call her and talk to her? It is a new year; she should have better plans than to wreck someone’s home. I shook my head as if to clear my head. I was not going to be that woman. I would face my husband instead.
“Lape, I am coming back tomorrow.” He answered. And that was it. I wanted to scream at him, to cry, to ask what was wrong; if I smelled bad or looked ugly, but I took a deep breath and calmed myself.
“Okay, be safe, love.” I waited for a response and looked at the phone, he had ended the call. I would not be moved. It was a new year, I was surely doing something wrong.
I got on my knees and prayed.
***
“Are those the questions you wrote on the paper?” Jude was clutching his stomach as he laughed. I was such a clown; I felt stupid now. I was talking to Jude after he returned and after all I said, he started laughing. He saw me holding the paper and occasionally looking at it as I talked to him.
“Jude, this is about our marriage being better.” I replied, squeezing the paper.
“Madam, as far as I am concerned, nothing is wrong with this marriage. If you have any guilt, check yourself.” He said while pressing his phone still chuckling.
“It’s not about guilt, Jude. You are cheating on me. Why is this funny to you?”
“I am not cheating on you. You better don’t give yourself high blood pressure again.” Ouch, that hurt, deeply.
“Jude.”
“Lape, wo, leave me alone, please. I am doing all I can already, I am providing and being a father to my kids, what else do you want?” I was dumbfounded.
“Jude.”
“If it’s only my name you want to be calling as if I stole your meat, please leave me alone. I want to prepare for work.”
***
Just yesterday we were in the church saying Happy new year. Now, January was almost gone, just like that. How time flies. I didn’t know my expectations from this business, but I was going with the flow and seeing where it led. I made some sales, thanks to Vic and Sarah’s platform. I felt a sense of purpose and embraced my tiredness with glee and satisfaction now.
Jude was beginning to suspect that something was going on though the goods were not in the house. They were at Sarah’s firm. He also couldn’t see my status online to know what I was posting. The turnout was pretty decent and increasing weekly. By February, I would write out my observations and see what needed to be worked on.
My birthday was in three days, the same day as my anniversary and I had nothing planned. Not like Jude would remember anyway. This time last year, I was pregnant and we had just discovered. Nostalgia hit me as I remembered how Jude was so sweet to me. His ability to go from being sweet to being a monster needed to be studied. Now, we lived like flatmates, especially since the day he got back from Ibadan and I tried talking to him and he laughed. He laughed.
***
Just as I thought, my birthday and our anniversary came and went and he did not remember. I was glad that I stopped bothering to make the day a pleasant one for us. On my birthday, after dropping Dimeji at school, Dan and I went to eat out and I dropped him in the kid’s session. He seemed to enjoy himself. Vic and I did a video call as usual and she sent me a pair of shoes.
Later, we went to Sarah’s firm to take stock and I was surprised with a cake. I cried. Sarah gave no hint of anything special waiting for me. She was cool like that. The staff sang for me and took pictures as I cut my cake, it was a fun day for me. Apparently, Vic was in on it, she later sent me a video of me crying. The day was more beautiful than I had imagined and I allowed myself to feel every emotion and told myself I deserved it. I did not allow the guilt of not talking about or doing anything regards my wedding anniversary to surface.
***
“Lape,” Jude called me as I turned to leave after serving his food.
“Yes?” I replied. He brought out his phone and I expected to panic, but I seemed very okay.
“What’s this?” He stretched the phone to me. I reluctantly collected the phone and saw a screenshot of my business page.
“What’s what?” I returned the phone back to him.
“You want to tell me you don’t understand what you just saw?”
“I don’t understand what you want me to say.”
“Hmm, you have started growing wings. I noticed you and Sarah have gotten a bit close, I did not know it was because you have started a business together. She is teaching you silly things abi?” His voice was rising but the children were around and as if he just remembered, he reduced his voice.
“Jude, I am not a kid, stop saying anyone is teaching me. I have a mind of my own.”
“I don’t think so. Lape, I don’t think so. Don’t start what you cannot finish o.” I shook my head and left him; he wasn’t going to reject his food anyway.
