Last updated on April 15th, 2023 at 09:09 am
Mummy and Jude got back late in the evening. They returned with a lot of food items and a ram. I opened the door for them and they could barely reply to me as they hurled heavy food items across the sitting room to the kitchen area. I had no idea of what was happening; I went to drop my suckling baby and started to help out. My tummy started protesting but I continued.
Jude locked the door after me as I went in with the last bag, it seemed like it was loaded with onions. I dropped it at the entrance of the kitchen and went back to the sitting room, only mummy was there.
“Mummy, welcome. You did not tell me you were going to the market.”
“Ah, pastors are coming tomorrow, won’t they eat?”
“Oh, I thought we could just make food for them within the kitchen.”
“No o, some people too might come, your father and his friends, your husband’s friends…”
A full naming ceremony, in this condition! I couldn’t even imagine being asked to dance right now or wear any fancy cloth and tie gele. I had added at least four kg and my stomach still looked as if I was five months pregnant. Was my health even okay for all of this? That seemed like what Vic would ask. I didn’t want to be the negative vibe anymore so I put my concerns aside.
“So we have to wake up early to start cooking then,” I replied.
“Your brothers’ wives will be here very early to join us. I already called all of them. The pastors will be here by three in the afternoon, so by three thirty latest, we should start.”
“Okay ma. Thank you, ma.”
I heard the shower running and knew Jude was taking his bath, I seized that opportunity to ask mummy what I wanted to ask her.
“Mummy, how did you do it with daddy? I can’t remember seeing you two fight or anything.” She seemed a bit surprised, but quickly let it go. “What do you mean, Lape?”
“I don’t want Jude to hear us, I am asking how you made your marriage work.”
“Ohh, okay,” She reduced her voice and continued almost as if she was talking to a sister, the first I had seen of her, “I knew my place in your father’s house and never dragged with him.”
“That’s all?”
“No. I had issues with your father, but there was no need to show it on my face or tell my children about it.”
“Every marriage has its issues, that’s normal, mummy. But do you know Jude is cheating on me?” She did not seem moved by this at all, instead, she started laughing, “What’s there? Can you satisfy all his needs? With the house chores and kids, do you think you have the strength? Men have a high libido. Now let me tell you, since you are old enough and married, some of my friends told their daughters their marital issues when they were young and now those daughters are grown and refusing to get married.” I don’t blame them.
Mummy was getting into her counselor mode, she was a marriage counselor in church, so it didn’t surprise me, “I would rather swallow everything than poison your mind against getting married. The job God has given us is very tough, but who can question God? He said our desire shall be for our husband and he shall rule over us. He created Eve for Adam, and not the other way round.”
“So, everything Jude does I can’t even question him?”
“It would be good if you could, some men are okay when you question them. Some men cannot withstand that affront. You have to figure out where your man falls. Some men, you need to feed them, cook their favorite meal before asking them any sensitive questions. Sometimes, you have to pray to God and ask him to touch your husband’s heart for you, especially when you are confused.”
“Hmm. Did daddy ever cheat on you?”
“Yes.” The calm way she said it added to my shock, and I could not conceal it. Also, my dad was an Elder in the church. How?
“He did?!”
“Yes, is he not a man? All the strong men in the bible, what was their common weakness? It is natural to them, it’s not new and won’t change now. I was pregnant with Bimbo, your elder brother when I noticed your father cheating and I am sure he had cheated before then, but he was not even hiding this one. You know what I did?”
“What?”
“I first knelt down and spoke to my real husband, my father and my friend in heaven, to touch my husband’s heart. Then I went to the madam he was tomcatting with. With my huge stomach, I went to her shop, sat down and made her know I was not there to fight.” I tried picturing my mummy doing this and it felt really humbling, but it was something she could do.
“You sat down?”
“Yes, can I fight? If your father had found out, he would have married her, their relationship was really serious. He opened the shop for her. I told her there was no space for her, ‘Madam, I am sorry, this is his third child in my stomach, we have two boys already. No space at all for you. With me being the wife, your children would suffer if you decide to birth any for him.’ Lape, she could not talk. I already keyed all of them with prayer. She left your father o.”
“She did?”
“Yes. She did not even tell him why. Your father was distraught for a while; he did not know I was aware. I went back to still thank the lady; your brother was about four months old then.”
“Wow. You did this? Does it have to be hard? I see couples playing and laughing all the time. Not every man cheats.”
“True, maybe some don’t cheat. They are few. They bask in the privilege of being the ones God empowered, nothing we can do. Look for your husband’s weak point and use it against him. Even if it’s sex, give it to him, any style. This is what I tell the wives that come to meet me in church.”
Hearing my mum say all this was really shocking, I felt appalled and at the same time closer to her. I literally had to work towards making my marriage okay, not perfect, but okay. But what does the man do? Where do I start? The past month has been especially rough between Jude and me. But I was exhausted, I was tired of fighting.
“See, my daughter. You don’t underestimate the power of also apologizing to your husband. Kneel down and plead as if you mean it. Stroke his ego and watch him soften in your hands. Men too can be easy. I know your husband loves you, but you bruise his ego too much. That’s my view as a mother and a counselor.” Mummy said, sounding very confident.
