Last updated on April 7th, 2023 at 07:04 pm
I felt a mix of emotions, the doctor said we could go home, but I didn’t know if I wanted to go home. I was doing better and the doctor said over the next few months I should be back to normal. The thing with being at the hospital was that I was reminded of my health, but I had my sanity and rested well. Also, I did not have to face Jude or feel anxious about him. Going home meant going back to resume life again.
Surprisingly, mummy was still around. Not without complaints though. ‘Ah God, I have spent a week here and my husband is missing me.’ ‘Lape get well jare, I want to go back home, you are too lazy gan.’ I had learnt to handle her with silence, after which, she would get tired and sleep off or leave the room to talk to the nurses.
***
“Your husband is around o.” Mummy said. Today was a Sunday and we were going home. Sarah was supposed to also drop Dimeji at the house today or Jude would go to pick him up. I did not see Jude all through the week until yesterday. I imagine he and Faith would have had enough time and space for themselves. Why this kind of thought came to my mind I didn’t know. It made me feel weak almost immediately.
I carefully carried my baby who just got circumcised. He was cranky and I didn’t need him further upset. “Oya now, Lape, what’s left?”
“Just the bags, ma.”
“Plenty load everywhere, let me carry this one and you carry the other.”
“Where is Jude?” I asked
“In the car now.”
“Why can’t he come down to help us with the bags?”
“Lape, we have talked about this na. He is your husband, don’t confront him.”
***
Home again. I could say this anywhere; the body stored emotions and pictures from the past and brought them to the surface when triggered and usually when you least expect them. Tell me why I felt so bad and moody all of a sudden.
“Thank God o.” Mummy said as Jude popped open the boot. With my son in my hand, I searched for the keys to the house and having found them, got out of the car. Leaving mummy and Jude to bring the bags inside.
“Lape, won’t you carry anything? Let’s carry it back inside the way we brought them out of the hospital na.”
“Let Jude help you.” Jude was checking whatever it was in the bonnet. Before backing mummy to go and open the door, I saw a disappointed look on her face. I was too tired to care.
I knew I had enough reason to not want to come back. The sitting room smelled awful. I hoped this baby didn’t fall sick from inhaling this air. I opened the curtains and window to allow for fresh air. Jude’s work clothes were all over the couch and a pair of shoes were peeking from underneath the chair. Dear Lord. I went into the kitchen and did not even know I was holding my breath until I entered. It was fairly okay, but there were used plates in the kitchen and crumbs of food on the floor.
I opened one of the pots and saw that he cooked this morning. The dustbin was also filled to the brim. I felt hot tears sting my eyes. I could not let them drop, I once heard that it was bad luck for a mother’s tears of sadness to touch a newborn baby. Taking a deep breath to still the tears that were threatening to spill, I turned to leave the kitchen. Mummy was on one of the empty chairs in the sitting room with the bags at her feet.
“Where is Jude?” I asked her.
“He is inside.”
I gave the baby to mummy and went inside. Jude was changing his outfit when I entered.
“Jude, why is the whole house a mess?”
“Which mess?”
“Is that how I leave the house when your guys are coming over?”
“Are your girls coming over? You went on a break and you are back home. Big deal?”
“I went on a break?”
“Madam free me. Leave the house as it is. Between work and taking care of myself, how would I have had time?” I had no fight left in me. I softly said, “Okay.” He hissed and stormed out of the room.
Usually, I would not confront my husband this way and my actions surprised me also. I guess I was only pushing him to the wall by doing this. God, piece my home back together. I prayed gently in my heart. This couldn’t be a normal marriage. Laughter for a week and annoyance and fights for months. Maybe Jude was cheating because I was just too relaxed. I didn’t try new styles with him or new meals, nothing.
I needed to do more. Mummy had been married for about thirty-four years and I never heard of any issue between her and my father. I should be able to work this thing out. I couldn’t even afford to be divorced. God forbid. Where would I start from? With two kids. Raise my kids in a broken home when my parents did better for me. It couldn’t happen.
***
It was five o’clock in the evening and I just finished making the house look like a sane place. I opened all the windows as I worked and cleared everywhere. I had to wash Jude’s clothes with the washing machine. I know he hated it, but he was not around and I was sure he would understand this time around. My lower tummy hurt a little and I think it was from bending too much. I was already done anyway; I could now rest.
Mummy and Jude left the house, they said they wanted to go and see the pastors that would come to pray and christen the baby tomorrow. If I was expecting mummy to help with the dirty house, I was fooling myself. The good thing about new babies was that they sleep for long hours allowing you time to work during the day.
Just my first day back and I was already working so much that it did not seem like I would be getting enough sleep again. No more complaining though. I would embrace this stage of my life. When my kids grow and start bringing things for me, I would forget all of this even if their father never came around, although I prayed that he would.
