Last updated on October 17th, 2025 at 10:20 am
It’s a new year, and I’m ready to become a new me. For over four years, I’ve punished myself for having a child and right before my eyes, my life seems to be wasting away. Now twenty-six and I’ve realised that time waits for no one; it seems as if I clocked twenty yesterday.
This year started with a tough and honest reflection and the only way to become a new me is to part with the old behaviours that don’t serve me, to forgive myself and permit myself to live. On New Year’s, I sent a heartfelt message to my parents and Elizabeth for their support and patience over the past years then I wrote myself two letters, one to my old self—the younger me, and the other to my future self, which I intend to read in a year.
One way to move on is to undo the shame I’ve felt from being a young mother. While some may prefer to rip the band-aid off at once, I plan to take baby steps. That’s what I tell myself as I finally allow myself to get closer to one or two people at work and in my bakery class. This is what I tell myself as I get overwhelmed looking for an appropriate outfit for the paintballing session with a few friends tomorrow.
“I’ve never been more grateful that we don’t wear the same size,” Zabby says, getting up from my bed.
“Is that how you want to help?” I ask, rolling my eyes.
“Girl, it’s simple: you need a wardrobe change.”
“I can’t possibly do that immediately. Are you sure you don’t have some extra long clothes that will be just the right length for me?” I ask, eyeing my wardrobe once more and intentionally avoiding the look on Zabby’s face. I eventually look at her and we both burst into laughter. I’m six feet tall and Zabby’s maybe five feet four inches. Thinking about our height difference makes me crack up all over.
“When you’re ready, I’ll give you my plug. How can you have only workwear? Thank God you go to work, if not you’ll have no clothes.” Zabby says and leaves me to my problem. Or so I think, until she comes in with a dress in her hand. I jump up and throw my arms around her.
“Is that for me? I knew it!” I take the gown from her and begin to unfold it and it’s so beautiful. I break into a smile and hug Zabby again.
“Wear it, let’s see.” She says. I put on the dress and gasp at how cute it is. It’s a floral blue sundress that comes above my knee by a few inches. It’s probably midi for Zabby, but it looks like it was made for me.
“Zabby, are you sure this isn’t a gift for me? Something you kept until now when I need it.” I look at her and see that she’s hiding a smile.
“Girlll, run me my money. I’m not joking.” She says and leaves my room. For some reason, I feel emotional as tears well up in my eyes. The gift of true friendship is what needs to be in books, the media… everywhere. It doesn’t quite get as much noise as romantic love and relationships do, yet true friendship is what sustains all relationships even the romantic ones.
I sit on my bed, not yet ready to remove my dress. I mull over the ways that I shortchanged myself in my relationship with Tochi. I can’t put all the blame on him now because, in hindsight, I gave room for everything. I blurred the lines and let him get away with the things he did because I didn’t value myself as much and I wanted badly to be seen. My parents’ almost-divorce put me in a place where I needed succour and without even knowing, I went to the first guy that seemed available. Of course, he truly wasn’t but I kept pushing it.
At the moment, my decisions don’t affect me alone; they affect my son and I have to be the best Angela for myself and mother for my son. I was too blind to see and validate the love that my parents had for me while their marriage struggled. Most especially, I didn’t value Zabby’s love and gift of friendship as profoundly enough. There’s a shift in the moment and I immediately know that my next relationship won’t be the be-all end-all for me; it will rather be one of the other beautiful experiences of my life.
