Last updated on February 25th, 2024 at 08:55 am
Tochi had been calling for over a month now. Just two weeks ago, he started sending messages as well. I just got back from work and decided to read one of his messages. My parents had taken Eliam to the photo studio for his sixth-month birthday. As soon as my mum sent me the pictures, I made the one I liked the most my wallpaper. It was the one where he laughed so much while looking up, possibly at my dad clowning himself to make his grandson laugh. I smiled now that I saw the picture again.
I opened my messages and saw the recent one he sent. Angel, please. I’m not worthy, but please.
I know Zabby had said I should talk to him to find closure, but what I worried about the most was that I didn’t know if I could be responsible around him. With Tochi, I always seemed to make the dumbest decisions. I opened another message and it read. Baby, if not for anything, think of our child. Our child. I scoffed and read another one. I would keep begging even if it takes forever. I was stupid but never again.
I threw my phone on the bed and went to get something to eat. Zabby was at her boyfriend’s and I might be the only one to sleep in the house tonight. I brought out the remaining jollof rice from the freezer and put it in the microwave. Could I trust myself around Tochi? Was this something about first love? There was also a part of me that felt as if I was depriving Eliam of a father. A father figure? No, because I trust my dad to do the job. But his real father was alive and the poor boy needed that…or was this just an excuse for me?
***
Zabby just confirmed that she was not coming home, I looked at the time. It was just 7:30 pm. I checked my phone for any YouTube uploads from other of my favourite vloggers and found two uploads. I went into the bathroom and cleaned my face in preparation for a face mask. I was rinsing the spatula when my phone rang. It was mummy. I didn’t bother calling them because I would be going home on Friday, which was in two days. I went to the sitting room and saw an unknown number. At this point, it was a habit to just ignore it, but I slid the green button.
“Hello, Angela. I’m glad you answered.” It was Tochi and he sounded panicked.
“How can I help you?” I asked. My voice portrayed disinterest and it should be able to win me an award because I was anything but disinterested. I was curious. I wanted to ask him what went wrong. I wanted to know why he just never called back.
“Just by listening. That’s all. Just listen.”
“I’m listening.” He was quiet and I thought he had ended the call. I was going to check my phone screen when he talked.
“Angela, I don’t know where to start but I am so sorry. Oh God! I am so sorry. I am such a fool.”
“Okay…” I wanted to ask him what he was sorry for but I kept quiet.
“Can we see?” I was taken aback and had to ask him to repeat himself.
“What did you say?”
“Just hear me out. Please don’t be mad. It’s been too long, time has gone and we just need to see each other physically.”
“Okay.” Tochi was definitely out of his mind if he thought I’d leave my job or the comfort of my home to go and see him.
“Angel.”
“No, please.”
“I’m sorry. Angela.” He said my name as if it was a struggle, then continued. “Angela, when can I come to see you?”
“Do you know where I am?”
“I know you wanted to settle down in Abuja, but I don’t know if with what happened you still stayed there.”
“What happened?”
“Huh?”
“You said something happened so you are not sure if I stayed back. I am asking now, what happened?”
“Angel,” As if he knew I was about to flip. “Angela, I’m sorry.”
“I am waiting, Tochi.”
“You got pregnant.” I started laughing and remembered his attitude when I told him, his initial doubt and him suggesting I abort the pregnancy. I had never felt that alone or stupid in my entire life. I laughed and clutched my stomach. I laughed because otherwise, I would be crying.
“I got pregnant… or you got me pregnant?”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
“Okay.” The clay mask on my face was starting to crack and I got up and went into the bathroom.
“Angela, can we see?”
“See, ehn, later. I have something to do.” I ended the call before he could say anything and threw my phone on the bed. I had rinsed my face and moisturised when his message came in. I did wrong by you in every way. But, please consider what I have asked of you. Sleep well.
***
“So, are you going to allow him to come?” I just got back from work and met Zabby at home. We had chatted all day about Tochi’s call.
“I don’t know. I’m honestly not thinking well.”
“I wonder what he has to say.”
“Zabby, if he doesn’t know the state I live, he definitely doesn’t know the sex of my child or how old Eliam is.”
“That’s why I said you should talk to him. Get closure and give him the middle finger as you open the exit door for him, finally.” I had stopped posting on social media for over a year. Yes, I was ashamed because I was pregnant, but also because I didn’t want Tochi to get any updates. Frankly, I had always held a torch of hope that Tochi and I would sit one day to talk, if not for anything, but because we had a child together. I wanted to do right by my child as my mother did for me. But would that be stupid of me? Would my child be better off without Tochi? I definitely thought it was silly of my mum, but what did I know? It was easy to judge when it was not you.
…
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