Last updated on February 17th, 2024 at 09:33 am
It was soon Christmas. Wasn’t it yesterday that the new year began? I rubbed my growing stomach absent-mindedly, it was oddly comforting. The bump wasn’t obvious in my outfits, but I knew there was a tiny difference. I had just finished one course and the sense of accomplishment trumped other crippling emotions within. Tochi still hadn’t called. Not on my birthday even. I guess we were done.
The thing with making a huge mistake and getting unwavering support is that you couldn’t mope about other little things. My parents always assured me that I could talk to them about any other thing that bothered me, but how could I tell them that I wasn’t finding the courses easy or that Tochi not reaching out to me really hurt me?
Sometimes, I wished that when I broke up with him earlier in the year, we didn’t get back together. But then I remembered that the relationship took a new turn after we reconciled. I knew Zabby had been sending him threatening messages. Not like she hides them. But I had not messaged or called him since the last time he called me to warn Zabby. I drew the line at making a fool of myself even though I was the one bearing the brunt of our actions. I still stalked him on IG though. I didn’t delete his number, but I muted his WhatsApp status for my sanity. When I needed a little torture, I scrolled to my muted contacts and found him smiling and having fun.
***
Happy New Year, Sweetcakes! J
Heyyy, same to you, dearie. How are you settling in? A
Don’t tell anyone, but it’s not as smooth as it’s made out to be. I’m elated to be here, but I’m quickly getting over it. Reality is hitting me hard. But everyone says I can’t complain. J
Aww, I wish I could say that I understand, but I’ve never left my country for more than three days… to another African country. A
Hehe, nice one. How are you doing? J
I’m decent. A
What a way to say that you are doing great. Can I video call you? J
I panicked as I thought of what to say, my face had changed a little and Joe was really observant. It could be shame or guilt, but I didn’t want him to know that I was pregnant.
It’s dark here, you won’t see me. A
Oops! That’s fine. Just checking in on my Sweetcakes. J
I couldn’t say that I was starved of affection between my parents and Zabby and even her partner, but Joe calling me Sweetcakes made me so warm on the inside. I allowed myself to think about what could have been had this happened with Joe and me. I think Joe would have immediately told his parents. My parents would be less angry because he would have been introduced to them even before such happened. Everything that came to my mind was Joe being supportive all through, but then it occurred to me that he’d have stayed back rather than going for his Masters. That thought alone ruined all the sweet feelings welling up. He didn’t deserve that.
***
The past few months went by in a blur. I was so heavy and honestly, really spoiled. My parents had been frequenting Abuja more often, coming with different cooked meals, and items for the baby and just fussing about me. It was as if everyone was committed to making sure I didn’t feel the absence of my child’s father.
Speaking of my child’s father. You guessed right. Still nothing. Nada. With every day that passed, my hope that he was going to reach out was further reduced. One day Zabby asked me how I felt and it was a teary day, I couldn’t hold back. Even with everyone’s support, I felt like a failure. Maybe if Tochi had stayed, it might have been better. I mean, I couldn’t even choose a good father for my child.
The days were nearing and I was scared. I mean as a first-time mum-to-be, the videos I watched on YouTube hadn’t helped at all. I had a million emotions but I was avoiding one thing—the pain of doing this alone. I didn’t know what I was thinking, that Tochi and I would raise this kid together? I couldn’t believe the little good time we had fooled me into thinking that was it. That everything was fine and we could withstand something this huge.
I also stopped replying to Joe as the pregnancy progressed. It made me feel guilty but I couldn’t risk Joe knowing. I knew I would love my child, but without a husband, I was not the most overt pregnant woman. I even had to wear a fake ring to the hospital to avoid judgemental glares. I knew I could do better, but I didn’t think many things through before deciding to go ahead with this pregnancy.
***
After 24 hours, I birthed this baby with a full head of hair. I was sure I could write a book about my life in the past three days. I was so sore and wasn’t even producing milk yet, so I couldn’t even really hold or nurse him. My parents. Thinking about them brought tears to my eyes. I looked at myself in my phone’s camera and looked appalling, to say the least. But I felt proud of myself. Zabby was the one driving around to get everything while my parents stayed around, even my dad was unwilling to leave.
They both just went to the hotel after I put to bed this morning. They had not left my side or taken a shower in about three days. The best parents ever! Their support meant so much because I’d heard of parents disowning their pregnant daughter, but mine have been awesome all through even though they were initially disappointed. Welcome to the world, my love. We all love you. I whispered these words to my son over and over again when I carried him earlier.
I couldn’t be more blessed to have Zabby and my parents around me.
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