Last updated on February 9th, 2024 at 04:20 pm
I felt bad for Tochi. I couldn’t imagine my dad dying. Even as this occurred to me, my heart sank to my stomach. God forbid! I had seen some of his hair turn grey in the past few years, but I didn’t allow myself to think about what it implied. Thankfully, he always worked out and still looked young.
Back to my relationship, Tochi and I had not spoken since he got home. He texted me about his trip and told me he had gotten home, which was on the New Year. It’d been two days and my texts and calls have gone unanswered. I should understand that he was probably busy and all, but this was a trend for us. He found an excuse to shut me out as soon as anything happened. This time though, I couldn’t even be vexed because it was sensitive and sad. I guess we won’t be talking until he is ready. Shocking!
***
It’d been two weeks since I heard from Tochi. I was back in Abuja and work had resumed so I’d been settling in and cleaning my apartment. Since I’d been busy, I hadn’t been able to think about the fact that I hadn’t spoken to my boyfriend two weeks into the new year. I consider it a bad way to start the new year. How he didn’t think about the implications of his actions on our relationship left me puzzled.
***
“I’m going to break up with Tochi,” I told Elizabeth.
“He still hasn’t called you?”
“No.”
“Candy, see ehn, I’m trying not to talk because I want you to always be able to confide in me. But I’m not feeling this relationship at all.”
“You haven’t been hiding it as much as you think.”
“Ah, thank God.”
“I just don’t see this working.”
“Me too. But why now?”
“We haven’t spoken in three weeks. I have called and texted almost every day.”
“It won’t be a big deal if he didn’t already have a track record of this nasty attitude.”
“You getttt. I’m tired.”
“You’ve even tried.”
“It’s as if I’m wasting my time.”
“Hmm. So how would you deliver it to him?”
“I would have to wait until whenever he reaches out.”
“This is delicate because it can seem like you left him at his lowest.”
“What are you saying?”
“Maybe you should wait… At least get an update on what happened to him then you can find a decent time to let him know you are done.”
“Hmm, okay.”
“You have coped this long. Just do a countdown in your head.”
“It’s easy to say.”
“Pele baby. Are you ready to process the loss?”
“I swear, I don’t know.”
***
Hi, I really really hope you are doing fine. It’s been over two weeks now. Sorry for your loss, babe. Please reach out when you can. I hit the send button. Tochi just posted a video of his late dad on his WhatsApp status. The caption read: “I didn’t think my first post this year will be this. Will forever miss you.” It took everything for me not to hurl insults at him. He eventually got around to his phone and updating his status was more important for him. Instead of misbehaving, I took a calm breath and sent him a message.
***
Tochi didn’t reach out until after three days from when I sent the message. I had been stalking his social media and he had been posting on his Instagram. Zabby insisted that I kept my cool as any reaction but empathy from me could be misunderstood. For me, I didn’t care again, we’d be broken up, so why bother?
Hi, Angel. My heart started beating fast the moment his message came in. I did not doubt that he loved me and that he wanted us, but if he at least did a little more, we could stand a chance of surviving. I waited an hour before replying to his message. Pure torture. But I felt the need to pass across a message that I wasn’t always at his beck and call, like a lovelorn teenager.
Wow, so good to hear from you. Please tell me you are fine. Thankfully, he replied to me immediately.
Angel, it’s been very tough. I am not even the firstborn nor the secondborn, yet I couldn’t escape the craziness that came with this.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what it must have been. What’s the update now?
He will be buried tomorrow. There’s been a lot of pushback from his family and the church, but we have managed to reach a conclusion now.
Can we do a voice call? I would actually prefer a video call.
Yes yes, let me video call you.
All my anger dissolved once I saw his usually beautiful face looking rough. His beard was fuller than he’d normally keep it, he had some pimples on his forehead probably from stress. I almost kicked myself for being so selfish the past few weeks.
“Angel, I hope you are not mad at me.”
“No no. I was worried, very worried.”
“I am sorry.” Wow, Tochi is apologising.
“No, it’s fine. Just try to be fine for me, okay?”
“I will, baby,” he answered, his voice teary. If anything, I think this loss and seeing Tochi this vulnerable just brought us closer.
…
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