Last updated on July 20th, 2023 at 08:42 am
Introduction
It would be lovely if life could be full of exciting moments every single time. But even after we seek the high of certain moments, there is sure to be a crash—that moment of nothingness. There are unavoidable everyday moments that are just there, plain.
The false alternatives
So we seek the dopamine, we seek the high because we dislike the discomfort of hitting the lows. We dislike being bored, more like; we are not used to being bored. We confuse boredom with loneliness, that something is wrong if we’re bored. We forget that the balance of life is in understanding that there will always be highs and lows. Some moments are just there with no gratification, or the gratification is too subtle to trigger our reward-seeking system.
In a bid to avoid boredom and maintain a certain high, we focus on artificial sources of dopamine—distractions such as phones, binge-watching, work, social media, sex, risky adventures, music, etc, making it hard to face less-exciting situations/moments which truly constitute 90% of our lives.
The truth remains
We will eat one meal twice a week (if not more), whether reconstituted or not. We’re going to be hit with a state of rawness immediately after we are awake. We’re going to be alone in the house many times and sometimes with nothing to do. The discomfort of silence, of the intense emotions that we run from is always there waiting for us.
Do we keep running or come to our true nature? Do we keep finding distractions or settle into the stillness within and around us that we’ve been taught to dislike? We all seek joy. The forms of chasing this joy are the problems we have, the shortcut method keeps our bodies struggling. It’s an endless cycle. Is joy something to be sought after or something that already exists, though veiled?
Potential solutions?
How do we find joy in the mundane? I ask this as I repeat the same actions yet again in the same week. How do I make these moments worthy and not something I want to do and get over with?
Mindfulness
The intense awareness of a situation, a moment, a doing, or a feeling. We think of mindfulness and probably consider someone sitting with their legs crossed, eyes closed, and levitating. I think of mindfulness as paying attention. To be in the present.
With deep attention, we can create enchantment, a state of being entranced. We see things we’re used to seeing in a different light; the leaves on the tree, the light peeking through the curtains. This leads to appreciation. We hear the silence beneath the noise and immediately feel grounded. We appreciate the noise that fills such a piercing silence. We hear our thoughts.
To be mindful is to notice everything, this leads to feeling bored. I see boredom as being unstimulated. This boredom gives room for creative thoughts, visualisation, and imagination. Boredom is not a negative emotion. Remember that the expressions of joy can be loud, but don’t forget that they can also be subtle.
Patience is a virtue that accompanies mindfulness as revealed in nature. All things happen as and when due. This generates a sense of contentment. The mundane ceases to be a means to an end.
“The smaller the call-and-response, the greater the magic. You must sink into yourself to feel it. The choice—the act of guiding your attention towards such a tiny thing—is the point. You are choosing to notice the quieter voices, the subtleties of experience.” Enchantment-Awakening Wonder in an anxious age by Katherine May
Play
Looking at life through child-like lenses, enjoying the cringe moment, and finding amusement in situations.
One time, I visited my aunt and since I wasn’t in my space, I was out of routine. After a while, I started feeling restless and just reaching for my phone. I was bored. Apart from the fact that I was holed up in the house for about two days (which isn’t my style), I didn’t realise that I hadn’t played. I hadn’t done anything silly. We’d only had adult conversations (yawn).
I’m about to take my bath at night, I had my privacy, then I jumped up. I felt excited. Honestly, it wasn’t until this moment that I understood the significance of play to me.
Play is not expensive and you definitely don’t have to participate in the exact activities that children do. You can simply dance without music, switch up your routines (like brushing with your non-dominant hand), and laugh for longer periods. Feel free to explore the type of play that resonates with you.
Create the feeling
Create and lean into the feeling first. Instead of waiting for a situation to spark joy, create the feeling first. Through music, thoughts, imagination, and affirmations or whatever calls to you, create the atmosphere that you want.
To lift your mood, you simply have to smile. In this way, you have created the feeling. Lean into it by dropping the resistance of how you’ve been wronged or whatever is making you upset or questioning the logic behind such an action.
It’s a practice, which means you keep being new at it. You won’t wake up every day and automatically find joy, you put in the effort until your baseline increases and then you continue.
Journey with compassion
Maybe our inability to find joy in the mundane—our incessant need to be distracted, our inability to stay in the moment and to live with boredom—is a response to being in survival mode.
I’m talking about existing to work, working unbearable hours to pay inexhaustible bills, and living neck-deep in debt. I’m talking about not having the time for social connections or to fully be with our loved ones. I’m talking about being so distracted with surviving that we are perpetually in a flight, freeze, or fawn mode. Being so distracted by crippling desires and the need to consume that we’re unable to do the inner work. Being so disconnected from ourselves, our souls, and our truth that we can’t breathe and any second that threatens to spill these bottled-up emotions poses as the real threat, whereas the aforementioned things are the real threat.
Read practical ways to be more positive and happy
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